I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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