we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
