We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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