i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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