So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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