I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
