Ambien. No doubt about it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We don't watch enough power rangers
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
