My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
