Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
