so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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