Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
