I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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