everyone is single if you try hard enough
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
