She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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