$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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