Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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