There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
