i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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