I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I want a musical about memes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
