Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
