dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize