How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So vagazzling was a success
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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