escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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