lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
