i just had sex bonerless
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
