Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
