everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
