Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
