I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
