yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
