Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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