I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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