I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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