There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
