piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
