I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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