I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
