I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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