Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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