my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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