Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
