We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
