i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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