you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
