Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
