DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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