Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
