Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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