If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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