just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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