She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
