I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
