bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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