Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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