You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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