hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
