I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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