I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
