Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
