Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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