I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
