Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dignity is for republicans.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
