he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
