lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
