I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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