I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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