My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
