She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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